The Crabs in the Barrel Syndrome goes as so:
You have a bunch of unhappy, stubborn, prickly crabs all stuck in one barrel. One day, a bold, open minded crab decides to change his situation. So he gathers up his strength and starts to climb up the barrel. It's a long journey. A hard journey. But he's got what it takes.
As crabs are apt to do, they grab and latch onto anything that moves or deviates from the unhappy norm. So now you have one crab scrambling to get out of the barrel and make a difference while another has latched on like a parasite and doesn't do ANYTHING to help out. Now maybe this crab is strong enough to support one slacker crab.
But then ANOTHER and then ANOTHER latches on. No matter how strong and determined that crab is, the sheer weight of all these other lazy, negative crabs will bring down the first one. And now instead of having one happy crab roaming free out in the world, you still have a full barrel of unhappy crabs who think it's normal to be mediocre, unhappy, and ignorant.
"If I can't have it, neither will you." Have you ever had the feeling that someone in your life had this attitude toward you? Surprisingly (and disappointingly), a lot of times, it's your closest friends or even family members. They see you changing and being successful at something and feel threatened or jealous. They clearly aren't ready to make the same changes if changes are needed and it could turn into subtle sabotage. Well meaning people in your life can sabotage your efforts and may not know it. At least, you hope they don't do it intentionally.
Have you ever tried to cut out certain foods and then when you are with your friends or family, they try and get you to eat those foods? "Oh come on, just have one. It's not going to ruin everything for you. Just have a taste." That is NOT being a supportive person in your life. That is dragging you back into bad habits one bite at a time. I've had this happen, but I've made it clear that I don't want to eat certain things and now they don't say those things to me anymore. They see that I'm successful and content in what I eat and do and they have decided to be happy for me. I don't pressure them to eat the way I do, so I don't want them to pressure me to eat the way they do.
You can't make people change. I've said it before. And, people can't make you change either....not if you aren't ready. The point here is that we need to NOT be the crabs, but be supportive friends and family to those around us and celebrate with someone when they are experiencing success. Don't you want someone to say "Congratulations!" to you when you lose 10 pounds? Or would you rather them pretend not to notice and pressure you to have dessert or drinks when you go out together.
A friend of mine brought up this very subject to me at the Y the other day. Him and his wife are friends with a couple that are "crabs in a barrel." They have been encouraging this other couple to be active with them. The wife came to the Y with his wife for awhile for some workouts. That commitment faded away and his wife was being stood up at the gym by this friend. The friend offered to bake with his wife instead of meet for workouts. Talk about a 180 degree turn! Anyway, he asked me if there was anything more to do to encourage these friends and also see his wife be successful in her fitness endeavors. I told him, unfortunately, no. If their friends had no interest in changing their behaviors, then all he could do was keep doing what he was doing in his fitness routine, cheer on his own wife, and be an inspiration to the other couple. Maybe they would see the great things that were happening to my friend and want in on it!
Crabs in a barrel mentality can relate to many situations in life, whether you are losing weight by changing the way you eat and exercising, or pursuing a new career, or going back to school for just a few examples. It's human nature. Maybe if you know what it is and can recognize it, then you can head it off at the pass if someone around you starts acting subtly un-supportive. All you have to say is, "Please support me in the changes I'm making. I'm trying to reach my goals." If they can't accept that, then maybe it's time to hang out with other people.
