Control

Some of us like to feel in control.  I know I do.  I would deny being a control "freak," but I like to have a plan and know what is coming my way.  There are obviously many things in our lives that we CANNOT control.  

Let's identify a few:

-How the people around us act

-How fast the person in front of you drives

-What your friends and family do or say

-Other people's health (especially those that we take care of)

-Sometimes, our own health (viruses, certain disease, unintended injury, etc)

-What could possibly happen to us tomorrow

These, among a lot of other things, lead to stress.  Stress is a part of life.  Stress is very hard on us.  But, guess what?! We CAN control how we respond to stress.  You don't have to let it take a toll on your health, which most of us let happen.  (Sleepless nights?  Higher blood pressure?  Appetite for sugar and starchy carbs?  Weight gain around your middle?  Yep- all responses to continuous stress.)

The good news is that even when your day or a situation feels out of control, there really is something you can do for yourself.  You can control your response.  How do you do that?  First, you realize that stress happens AROUND you, not TO you.  Then, you have a choice:  

1) Stuff the stress down internally and try to control what is uncontrollable, leading to poor health.

2) Find an outlet to drain it all out and keep your situation manageable.

I choose #2.  

My favorite outlet to stress is a hard workout or even just getting up and moving my body around.  Some of my best weight lifting/gym sessions have been in response to a stressful day!  My past outlet was eating. (Not healthy eating either, but emotional-grab-the-first-thing-I-see-eating!)  This is a toughie....emotional and stress eating isn't doing you any favors.  

Instead, what can you do in response to stress or any situation in life that you can't control?  Here are a few alternative things to try:

-Taking deep breaths.  Any number for any amount of time.

-Physically stepping away from the point of stress or stressful situation

-If you feel the need to put something in your mouth, grab a glass/bottle of water and chug it

-Scream and yell.....just let it out!

-Keep your hands busy 

-Do something completely mindless (coloring book, doodle, etc)

-Pick up a good book

-Take a hot soak or long hot shower

-Do something nice for yourself, like get your hair or nails done

-Some people like retail therapy!

-Yoga or meditation

-Pray

-Walk/run/take the stairs/ANYTHING active

-Talk to someone about it all

My guess is that you know all of this.  You've heard all of this.  In a world that you can't control, it's nice to have a reminder of what to do to take care of yourself.  It's nice to have a reminder that we all have difficult times and want to grasp onto SOMETHING that we can have a say in.  So, control what you can and let the rest go.  Your health will benefit in the long run.

Some things are hard to change....like your personality

I have quite a few clients that I would say have the "All or Nothing" personality.  I know that I've talked about this in at least one previous post, but it's worth re-visiting right now because I'm seeing the detriments of this personality traits rearing up a lot lately.  

It's hard to watch my clients struggle, and this is what they are struggling with:  It's okay to do SOMETHING.  SOMETHING is better than NOTHING when you can't do the ALL.  What does this look like in practical application?  Well, one might think, "I have no time for my one hour workout today, so I'm going to skip it completely."  OR, "I didn't have time to plan my meals this week, so I just winged it and ate whatever."  

Is this you?  If you can't get it 100% right, you just stop trying?  That's a LOT of pressure to put on yourself, don't you think?

So, what if you slowly teach yourself to do "something" in times of busyness or low motivation (because those are two big culprits for this personality type!)?  The "something" of the above examples could be-

1) Going for a 20 or 30 minute walk or doing just part of your workout routine and then celebrating that you got SOMETHING in!

2) Finding a fast ritual once or twice a week to hard boil a few eggs, chop a few veggies or cook up a few extra chicken breasts to have ready and make your life easier.  Even if you don't have a menu planned, you can utilize these things to eat in a healthy way.  It's SOMETHING.

When my clients come to me with these frustrations, we talk about what they've done right....we find that something that they didn't realize they were doing and use it to pull them forward in their journey.  Nobody can be perfect all the time.  But, that's no reason to give up on yourself and your efforts.  It's exhausting to have to start over...over and over again.  Find some small "somethings" and practice them.  Then, practice them some more.  The motivation will follow and so will results!

Sustainability

The other day, I ran into an acquaintance at the convenience store.  We were near the checkouts....I was in line to pay for gasoline and he was hungrily eyeballing the shelf of pre-made crispie bars, rolls, cookies, etc.  "Hey, ___ (name withheld), how are you?" I said.  "Hungry!" he replied.  "I lost ten pounds in the past few weeks.  It wasn't fun.  I am glad for the weight loss, but the things I had to give up to get there I just can't give up anymore.  I can't do that.  I'm here to get something for myself....I have to have it."  

My reply to him was, "That's too bad that it was such a tough experience.  It shouldn't be that hard."  I wished him well and walked out, but not before noticing that he had a gigantic box of cookies in his hands.  

Clearly whatever this gentleman was doing was not sustainable.  He made it two weeks with some results, but caved and dove head first into a box of something that will get him back to square one in no time.  I meant it when I said that change doesn't have to be so hard and it doesn't have to be scary.  It can even be fun....when you see results that you can hold long term....when you show yourself that you CAN do it.

Yo-yo dieting usually stems from too many changes too fast or trying to change a habit that you just aren't ready to tackle yet.  That is not something that will last.  Then- you have to start all over again.  How frustrating!   When I work with my clients on nutrition, we choose ONE habit at a time.  A habit that they are ready to work on and can do every day for a certain amount of time so that it becomes natural.  When they conquer that habit, they work on a new habit.  That seems do-able, right?

You choose- extreme changes and yo-yoing or small changes and sustainable success. Does food control you or do You control food?

This is 40

So, today, I turned 40.  It's still sinking in.....I don't feel any different, but all day I've been thinking, "Huh.  I'm in a new decade!  Where did my 30s go?"  My 30s were a time of having babies and raising them.  A lot of it was a time where I wasn't happy with myself.  Frankly, I didn't take care of myself because I took care of everyone else.  Today, this mid-life point made me both reflect on the past AND look into the future.  I mean, what do I want 40 to look like?

What I always thought 40 would be: ("always" meaning my teenage years until mid-thirties)

-doomed to elastic "mom jeans" 

-frumpiness

-the end of youth

-depressing

-immediate weight gain and the end of my metabolism

-wrinkles and creakiness

-the start of a mid-life crisis

-just a list of negative things in general

What 40 is actually going to be:

-full of potential not only personally, but professionally

-learning to be even more comfortable in my own skin

-youth in my mind, body, and spirit

-a desire to learn more about a whole lot of things!

-enjoyment in my kids becoming evermore independent and awesome

-prosperity

-an opportunity to be generous and inspirational

-a year to connect to others in new ways

-I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that I haven't tried or accomplished before

-some of the best times of my life

Sure, there are gray hairs and fine lines, but I'm embracing it.  If someone mistakes me for a 31 year old, that's even better!  (That did happen recently!) Age is just a number, it's not who I am.  

Woo hoo, 40!!!  Bring it on!

The most "wonderful" time of the year

Looking ahead to the next two months, we have some big things ahead of us:  Thanksgiving and Christmas.  With it, colder weather and darker, shorter days.  Typically, this season is thought of as a time where families come together, give thanks, share gifts, show their love, and love each other through food.  It is all of these great things!  

The next two-plus months are also a very difficult, dangerous time of year.  

Dangerous, Kara?  How so?

Dangerous in terms of self sabotage and low motivation to work toward goals.  Believe me, I see it already in many of my clients.  It's like a switch has been flipped, and not in a good way.  Motivation is slipping and hibernation-mentality is threatening to take over.  Have you thought any of these things recently?

-"I just don't want to get out of bed....I'm so warm and cozy"  

Translation: I'm not going to get out of bed and exercise because it's dark and cold outside.

-"I'm not taking time to prep food, I just don't know what I feel like eating."

Translation: "The weather is different.  Comfort foods are calling.  Without a plan or prep time, I'm just going to pick up/make something not on my plan."

-"I'm not motivated."

Translation: "This is a hard time of year for me generally. I don't want to face it or get ready for it.  It's too much work.  I've lost sight of why I'm trying to make changes."

These are just a few thoughts.  Barely even scratching the surface.  SO, WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

Sit down and write out your goals.  It is imperative that you get very specific about what you want during the next few months, why you are making healthy changes, and what you need to do every day/week to pull you through hibernation season.  It's not fair to you that you have worked so hard all summer and into fall and then give into off-moods and old bad habits.

Keep taking care of yourself.  Take it one day at a time if you have to, but just keep going.

A Measure of Success

I was asked recently by a friend, "What is the MOST successful client you've had?"  My answer to her was "That's a hard one to answer...."  It really depends on how you define success and what someone's goals are.  I mean, when someone reaches a goal and gets to set a new one, that's the ultimate success, right?

Being successful can look like this-
- Forming a new daily, healthy habit (like drinking enough water!)
- Liking something about yourself that you weren't feeling good about before
- Lifting a heavier weight than you ever have
- Completing an exercise that you didn't think you could
- Losing any amount of pounds on the scale or body fat percentage when fat   loss is a goal
- Getting into a smaller size of clothing
- Realizing that you can live without drinking or eating the high amounts of   sugar that you used to
- Feeling better
- Feeling more energy
- Feeling stronger
- Feeling happy and content
- Learning to cook
- Confidence

Looking at this list, I'd say that ALL of my clients have had success... sure, some have reached more goals than others, but all are at a different point in their journeys.

How would YOU measure success in your fitness/health journey?

I could have done better....

I completed a 5k along with some of my training clients this weekend.  I've gotta tell you, I am SO proud of them!  Whether they walked, ran, or did a combo of the two, they all completed it on a VERY hot and humid late afternoon.  What a sense of accomplishment!

As their coach, I have nothing but praise for them.  For myself, on the other hand, I was very critical of my own performance.  When I saw my time, I thought, "I could've done better.  I SHOULD have done better."  Then, the reasons for why I didn't do better.....it was hot and humid, late afternoon, I had to make a pit stop in the biffy mid-course, my ankle was sore (I had twisted it a few days before and wore an ace wrap to run).

I'm not a runner.  It's not a strong area for me.  So, why do I have to be so hard on myself?  Why not just be happy that I signed up and finished it?  Because I'm a competitive, imperfect human being like the rest of the world.  I can be the best coach to all of those around me, but not always to myself.

Here are the lessons:
- Allow yourself to feel the glory in the smallest achievements instead of insisting that something could've been different or that it could've been better.
- Take what you learn out of the events in your life and change it for the better the next time if you feel that need.  That means that you grow as a person.
- It's okay to want to better yourself, but don't be overly critical along the way.
- Realize that you aren't going to be great EVERY time.  Lose with grace.
- Continue to try things that feel hard.  It's good for you and makes you stronger mentally and physically.

I will work on taking my own advice.